Artemis Fowl: Fowl By Name, Foul By Nature
by porpierita
Summary: ARTEMIS FOWL and HARRY POTTER crossover fanfic. Oneshot. I've always wondered what would happen if Artemis Fowl went to Hogwarts? Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, what do they think of him? And how about the Sorting Hat dissecting his mind? Read and review.


**Fowl By Name, Foul By Nature**

_**By porpierita**_

**A/N: Well, I've always been wondering what would happen if Artemis Fowl went to Hogwarts…so this is a oneshot crossover fic between HP and AF. I know it's really bad, but it was bugging me to write one, so I wrote it…(blushes)**

**Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K. Rowling and Eoin Colfer. But you guys should know this by now!**

"This year, we have a new student, whose magic has been held back for reasons unknown, and has been revealed at a later stage than usual. He will join the Second Years, and will not be required to pass his first year," Dumbledore said, his voice sounding around the Great Hall. "He has travelled from Ireland, to join Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please welcome: Artemis Fowl." The headmaster turned and signalled to Filch, who was stood near the massive doors at the entrance of the hall.

Filch grumbled something inaudible, and opened one of the doors. Everyone turned around to see who this incomer was.

_How did this guy miss his first year?_ Harry thought to himself._ Talk about lucky! I'll see if he can catch up on all the work he's missed._

When the door swung open, it revealed…someone unexpected. He had piercing blue eyes; pale, bleached, white skin; raven black hair; and a vampire smile that sent shivers down Harry's back. The new boy wore a tailored and newly ironed suit beneath his robes—which rivalled Malfoy's perfectly.

Harry shuddered. One Malfoy was enough. Another? He'd surely be dead if this person teamed up with his nemesis. He heard a gasp beside him.

"Oh my gosh! It's…Artemis Fowl!" Hermione whispered frantically.

"Huh?" Harry had never heard of the name before. But then again, neither had anyone else. But this title seemed to be familiar to Hermione. Still, she knew nearly everything.

"Haven't you heard about the Fowls?" the bushy haired girl asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

"The fowls? What, like a bird?" Harry speculated. "No…Hermione, you _know_ I don't read that many Witch and Wizards books like you do."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Harry, the Fowls aren't _that_ well known in the wizarding world. It's the muggle one where they're infamous." She leant in close to continue. "The Fowls're known in the black market trades world wide. They—well, as far as the court and police say—are one of the richest corrupting families in Ireland. And their son, Artemis Fowl the Second, is known for his criminality. Like father, like son. He's also said to have the highest IQ in all of Europe. And it's even rumoured that he's a child prodigy."

Harry still couldn't find the name in his head as he raked his mind. Nope, he'd never heard of them before. What big deal was it? Malfoy was okay, and his family was _very_ well known in the wizarding world for their alliance with the Dark Side.

He watched as the boy smirked once, before striding smugly towards the Sorting Hat, which remained on the stool near the teachers. There was an air of self-pride in the little Fowl, which reminded Harry unpleasantly of the one and only Draco Malfoy. He trusted his instinct, and his intuition told him that this boy was not one to mess with.

Harry was even more surprise, and he heard gasps sound around the room, and people muttering, as a gigantic man followed inside. His shaved head glistened in the candlelight, and his Eurasian skin glowered in the dark shadows of the room.

"Ah, of course," Dumbledore said serenely. "Mister Butler, we are afraid you may not be able to accompany Mister Fowl in his stay here at Hogwarts." The wizard smiled, his blue eyes twinkling ever so slightly.

"No need for that, Professor," Fowl spoke up. He had reached the stool, and was sitting on it, holding the Sorting Hat and grimacing slightly at its ragged material. "I have arranged for Butler to stay in the villiage of Hogsmeade, where he will continue to inspect the surroundings."

The boy spoke in a clipped tone—with no Irish accent like Seamus Finnigan—which somehow suggested language beyond his years. Harry supposed this was how he was going to skip the first year: criminal mastermind, and multilingual. And what was that about the giant man called Butler? The definition of 'bodyguard' would have been more apt for the huge manservant.

Butler nodded, and he stood near the door, surveying the hall with his beady black eyes. Filch seemed to cower and move away with Mrs. Norris, ready to run should a situation spring up.

Once all attention was on Fowl again, the Irish boy placed the Sorting Hat gently on his neatly combed hair. It fell over his forehead, but his large blue-black eyes were still visible.

The hat awoke suddenly, and instead of thinking its thoughts for only the wearer to hear, its loud voice projected out, for everyone in the room to hear. Clear as crystal.

"Ah…interesting. I remember Hugo de Fole… Powerful wizard…like you will one day be as well," it rasped.

Fowl smirked.

"Why? Don't think that I can disect a mind like yours like all the various psychologists have tried? No matter…even if you prefer to use your logic and skill and abandon magic." The hat started to nod slightly on the boy's head, as if falling asleep. It muttered softly, but loud enough for all to hear.

"Courage of Gryffindor, subtle, but still there. Favour of fair judgement, even if outside you seem vain and selfish…"

"Would you mind? Speaking out my personalities would be an ideal way for enemies to gain private information and find my weaknesses," Fowl said, pursing his lips in a way that would have made McGonagall proud.

"Enemies eh?" the hat said. It ignored the rest of the comment, and continued to speak aloud the boy's personality. "Yes…we all know of your status in the muggle world, Master Fowl. However…yes…"

Bobbing and nodding again, the Sorting Hat continued to 'disect his mind'.

"Intelligence of greatest…no doubt about that. Yes, you are a genius, all very well but it seems that you have no _wisdom_, yet. Intelligence and wisdom are two different things, Master Fowl. You would belong in Ravenclaw, if another strength of yours didn't get in the way…

Truly, you are cunning at heart. This may have been made, when you were a young boy…we can see how your Father has had his effects on you…it's not only the genes, but the teaching you have had…"

Harry could see a vein throbbing near Fowl's temple. And a muscle leaping in Butler's jaw. He shrank back slightly—this was not a boy to mess with.

"Sly, ambituous, power hungry…what other qualities do we need to fit you into your house? It's quite obvious, even if you possess other skills and talent for the other houses…be that as it may, you will find you kind, in Slytherin."

No applause. The hat didn't cry out the name of the house like it did with others. Fowl rolled his eyes boredly and pulled the hat off swiftly, striding over to sit at the Slytherin table…opposite Malfoy.

Blue met gray, each challenging one another to give in. Both valued self-pride, smugness, and ambition…it was a hard game.

_We'll see who wins…and this time, I'm not sure whom I'll be cheering for,_ Harry thought.

"Very well then!" Dumbledore spoke up again. "Let the feast, begin."

Harry looked over once more to where Fowl was sitting, and he noticed that one plate of caviar had even appeared in front of the vampire-like boy. Fowl smirked, and helped himself, whilst Malfoy eyed him, the jealousy obvious in his eyes.

_Fowl by name, Foul by nature._

**A/N: Phew! **_**Now**_** I can get over it. It was so annoying, I just had to write it.**

**Even if it's bad, please review. I'll reply to your review, but if you don't have a way that I can, then I…obviously can't. So please leave your email address or something I can contact you by. Or simply just sign in and then review. Thanks!**


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